Life Lessons

I just realized something this afternoon.  It's something I should have probably already been thinking about, something I should already have known, but I just hadn't really thought about it.  Here it is...kids are going to make fun of Carson.  They are going to stare at him when he coughs, laugh when he breathes funny, and not understand why he is "different."  The thing is all kids get made fun of in one way or another, at some point in their lives.  The most "normal" kids out there will have something that will get them teased...the way they dress, talk, laugh, run, etc.  I know that!  I was teased, I was the one doing the teasing, I said hurtful things, and hurtful things have been said to me!  That's life, right!?
RIGHT! Until it comes to your kids and you don't want anything to ever hurt them or make them question what an amazing gift from God they are!
Ever since Carson was born people have stared, strangers have walked up to me and asked if he was ok, people were nervous to keep him in the church nursery, and lets be honest I was pretty defensive.  I was thrown into being a mom with no expectation that this would be my normal.  I, like every other first time mom, dreamed of my perfect little bundle of joy; 10 fingers, 10 toes, normal, and beautiful.  With Carson there were 10 fingers and 10 toes and he was beautiful...normal though?  not so much.  Back then, just a little over 5 1/2 years ago, I had never heard of a TE Fistula, Esophageal Atresia, or anything related to a NICU and I was a naive, clueless, sheltered girl.  It didn't take me long to educate myself, know everything I needed to know, and be ready with lists of questions and concerns at each and every doctor's appointment.  I was his voice, his advocate, his protector, and his mommy.   I hated being stared at, I hated the looks of pity and concern, I hated being questioned on my parenting ability, and I hated not understanding why God chose me to be this little miracle's mommy.  I wasn't always nice, I wasn't always sensitive...I guarded my heart and my baby.
Well he isn't a baby anymore...he keeps reminding me that he is MORE than 5 1/2 now and almost a 1st grader.  He is smart, aware, sensitive, and so many other things that are such amazing attributes.  He is my miracle!  But not everyone knows his back story, not every adult or child knows that his cough is normal or that his breathing noises are ok.  I still see people stare, I hear snickers as we walk through a store, and I still get defensive but I have gotten better. I'm tougher then you might think but Carson? How strong is he?  Probably stronger then I will ever know but I can not grasp the thought of him being teased or stared at....what will his reaction be?  Will he have the right answers? Will he be defensive or will I be able to teach him to be strong and stand up for himself? Will he accept that although he sounds different that he is just like all the other kids? Will I be able to help him understand what an amazing miracle his life is?  Will he care?
Kids don't always mean to be mean, they don't always say things to be hurtful...they just don't understand.  I want to help Carson to understand that, I want him to know that every single time I hear him cough, and every single time I hear him make noises when he breathes that I am reminded of what an incredible, amazing, wonderful gift from God he is.  God gave me Carson to teach me over and over again about the goodness of God, His faithfulness, and how His mercies are new every morning! There have been challenges, trials, and fears but I have learned to "rejoice in the Lord always....let gentleness be known to all men....be anxious for nothing...in everything by prayer and supplication and with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God...AND the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds.   (Phil 4:4-7)
I am overwhelmed right now thinking about anyone hurting Carson, or that time that may come when he wishes he wasn't different or wishes he could be more like the other kids!  I pray with all my heart that I will be able to say and do just the right things.  I pray that he will have strength, that he will not be defensive, that he will be able to laugh and smile and know that people don't mean to be hurtful, I pray that he will always have a sensitive heart and be aware of others.  There are children out there that are even less "normal" than Carson, I pray that Carson will be their friends, that he will protect them, love them, and understand them.
I am looking forward to seeing what else God has for Carson...I look forward to the day he asks Jesus into his heart and how God will use his precious, wonderful life.  I am incredibly thankful for Carson, he completely changed my life!   I am thankful for the lessons I have learned and the ones that are still left to learn.  I am thankful for this day....even though it weighs on my heart and mind that he may be teased or made fun of,  I am thankful that I do not have to worry about that...God has it all under control!   I am thankful for the example Carson is to others...a living, breathing example of God's amazing grace.
So, although I want to shout it from the rooftops, have shirts made, or pass out fliers that say "HE IS FINE, IT'S NORMAL, I PROMISE! I will just keep trusting in God and asking for wisdom as I raise Carson and Aden.  I pray that I am kind and that I show Jesus to others. I pray that I will not be anxious or worry but that I will trust that God will give all the strength, faith, and mercy that we will need!