Pleasantly Surprised

Well, I told several people that I would be "pleasantly surprised" if we weren't admitted today after surgery and we weren't!!! Woo hoo!!!

Surgery went really well this morning, first, they actually got him back into the operating room early! That never happens.  Carson did AMAZING! He didn't act scared at all, he was a little unsure but was such a trooper.  I was able to go all the way back into the operating room with him and stay with him until he fell asleep.   In the OR, he told the room full of doctors and nurses that his name is not Carson, that it is Batman Bradley Van Hauen.

Playing while we wait for surgery 

pic with mommy - preop

he really likes the hats!

cute boy

We found out that his esophagus looks great, not even any signs of reflux! His trachea had an infected suture that had come through and was causing a build-up of "protein" in his airway.  This is the second time this has happened.  The summer he turned two he had the same thing happen, was admitted overnight for observation and did great.  Then 3 days later we were back in the hospital, via ambulance, with a little boy who couldn't breath.  Emergency surgery and one ICU stay later, he was much better.  So as you can imagine, I was a little hesitant to go home today.  In fact, it scared me to death.  His stats were great and he was breathing really well, but there is some kind of security in staying at the hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors.  After some reassurance from Carson's doctor, I was ready to head home.

Having trouble waking up, post-op

drug induced, ready to go home smile

heading home....notice the hat

starting to perk up a litte

We got home this afternoon and Carson rested some, played a little, ate a good dinner, and is currently laying his head in my lap, watching a movie.  He did just tell me that he doesn't feel very good and that his throat hurts.  I'm just going to keep the Tylenol and Motrin flowing! :) His doctor told us the most important days are 3 or 4, post surgery and to really keep an eye on him through the weekend.  He gave us his cell phone number and told me to call with any concerns.  (He also asked me to please not post the number on facebook! ha ha!!)

HOME! YAY!!!

I feel so blessed and thankful that were able to come home this afternoon.  I was told by someone that since they are always so conservative with Carson's care that I should see this as a good thing that were sent home.  I think that is an excellent point and I am thankful for doctors who look out for my son's best interest, family who loves us and helps us, friends who are there for me and help me see the big picture, and for everyone who has prayed for us and checked in on us.  

One more thing I would like to ask you to pray about is that the suture that was removed today would be the last one.  The doctor told us today that this does not happen very often at all but this is Carson we are talking about it.  If it comes back again in the next couple of years, he will recommend that Carson have major, reconstructive surgery to essentially "rebuild" the trachea and esophagus in the area where his TE Fistula was repaired at birth.  He said it is a big surgery and we really don't want to go through that.  So I am asking for you to pray for total healing of Carson's airway and that this is the last surgery we have to experience.  

Carson's birthday is in 2 days and I am overwhelmed, tonight but what a miracle his life is and how truly blessed I am to have him.  Only by God's grace!!!

I have no idea what happened to my text sizes, spacing, etc....so my apologies if this is difficult to read!

My little secret

Let's be honest here, we all have our secrets.  We all have a certain "image" that we want people to see when they look at us.  We don't want to do anything to change that view or idea that people have.  Although, I think the most important thing is that the image we are portraying lines up with God and that we are a living testimony for Him.  But for me personally,  I don't want anyone to see my faults.  I like to think I have it all together, I like for other people to think I have it all together, I like to convince myself that I really am a strong, "supermom".  Today, I am going to let you in on a little secret....I am not so tough!  *GASP* ;)

Carson is being put to sleep for the 11th time tomorrow....ELEVENTH! :(  

He is having a surgery/procedure to look at his trachea and esophagus.  He will have two amazing doctors in the operating room making sure that everything is ok; and if it isn't ok they will be fixing whatever the problem might be.    

We have done this hospital "thing" plenty of times: 

*They tell me it's outpatient surgery, but I pack a bag, he always gets admitted.  

*They already have his medical history on file so I don't have to write it all out with every set of paperwork. 

* The nurses in the recovery room recognize his name and even if they aren't assigned to him, they come see him anyway.  

*I always have to tell the anesthesiologist that Carson doesn't react well to being put to sleep and he wakes up frantic and aggressive.  (he pulled out an IV when he was 1)

* His oxygen levels will be low, they always are.  

*When we get admitted and are on the floor we will have amazing nurses who take very good care of him and me.  We will even recognize some of them because we've had them several times before.  

*He willingly holds out his arm for the blood pressure cuff, and doesn't utter a complaint when they mess with him, even in the middle of the night

I will be ever so pleasantly surprised if we do not get admitted tomorrow, but like I said, our bags will be packed.  

Not only do I have to get Carson and I ready, I have to make sure Aden is taken care of.  Clothes laid out, food ready, a list of instructions for MiMi, and try not to think about being away from him for at least 24 hours.  

Last night, I was putting away laundry and while doing that I pulled out a few things to pack for Carson and I.  And that's when it hit me, that huge knot in my stomach, a jittery feeling, the strong desire to curl up in a ball and hope it all just goes away.  But it isn't going anywhere, at 7:00 in the morning we will be on our way.  I will be thinking is he going to be ok? Are they going to find something big or nothing at all? How will Carson handle this at this age? Will he be scared? What will he be thinking? Did I prepare him in the right way? and on and on.....but as soon as we walk into that surgery waiting room I will be strong, tough, and confident.  First of all, because that is what my son needs me to be.  When I see moms who are sobbing and freaking out and then I look at their child who has so much fear and uncertainty because if mom is such a mess this must be really bad.  Secondly, because doctors respect you more when you are not a blubbering mess! :) They include you in their conversations, they consult with you, and they are confident you can handle what is about to happen.  

But last night, I was not in the surgery waiting room, there were no doctors around, and my kids were in bed, so I cried.  Not only did I cry but I complained, and I whined a little and then I was over it.  

I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God gave Carson to Brad and I for an incredible, amazing reason that we have not even scraped the surface of yet.  But in times like these I sometimes wonder why.  Not in a grumbling and complaining way...just a genuine curiosity of what reason God has for giving us a child with all of these special needs.  In all honesty I have said just recently to Brad that I wonder what it would have been like to have a "normal" kid or be a "normal" mom that doesn't have to go through all of this.  But I would not trade the past 4 years for a hundred healthy "normal" kids.  Actually, Aden's little snotty noses and rare fevers freak me out more then they should because everything has always been so big with Carson.  

I know two children the same age as Carson who have been through cancer and come through with flying colors and what those families have been through makes what we have experienced so small and insignificant in comparison.  That's another part of the reason for the tough girl act; it could be so much worse than it is.  But everyone's "bad" is different.  Bad for Carson is surgery, hospital stays, breathing issues but for someone else bad is wondering if their child will someday be cancer free, and for others bad is a cold or stomach bug.  It's all about perspective and personal experience.  Be thankful for your circumstances, you never know how God will use them or who He will allow you to minister to, or who He might have minister to you.  

So I told you my secret....I'm human, I'm a girl, I cry....I'm not really "supermom"!  I know this is not at all shocking to anyone who knows me but I can pretend, right?!  And in saying all that I can confidently apply these verses to my situation:

"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" Phil. 1:6 

"From the rising of the sun to its going down the Lord's name is to be praised" Ps 113:3

"But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head.  I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill" Ps 3:3-4

"As for God, His way is perfect, the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust Him.  For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect" Ps 18:30-32

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" Eph 2:10

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  Now to Him who is able ot do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all geneartions forever and ever.  Amen.  Eph 3:14-21

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Phil 4:6-7

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" 1 Thess 5:16-18

Look how far we've come!!!

I'm baaaaack!!!

Hey! Did you miss me?? Probably not, but that's ok! We have been busy little bees around here for the past couple of months and the thought of blogging just completely overwhelmed me!! To play catch up, I just thought I'd let everyone know what has been going on since my last blog post.
We moved, you probably already know that, but that has been the biggest part of our "busy".  We lived with Nikki Clark for about 3 1/2 weeks.  Let me just say what an amazing person it takes to let a family of 4 come in and take over your house!  We had so much fun living at her house, Carson still asks when we are going to go back and live at "NeNe's" house.  Brad was out of town for a week and a half of our stay at Nikki's so when the kids went to bed every night Nikki and I were able to catch up on some much needed, long overdue girl time.  We also go to spend some time with Doug and Paula, who live just down the street from Nikki, so that was nice.  We did lots of shopping, eating, playing, and making big plans for my new house.  Who wouldn't want to live with one of their very best friends, if only for a month!?

BFF's are the best!!

We had a garage sale at Doug and Paula's while we lived  with Nikki

Nikki got to experience a storm shelter with 2 tiny children...
.it was a looong night! :)

One of our many shopping adventures at Pier One

While living at Nikki's house, Carson finished preschool and his first year in AWANA Cubbies.  It so hard to believe my boy is big enough to be experiencing these milestones already!

Carson at AWANA Award Night

Cubby of the Year

Carson and Cooper

Certificate of Participation for Antioch

Last day of school

Also, while living at Nikki's, Taylor and Jennifer got married and we all headed over to Fort Smith for the BIG day!!

The wedding was at naptime...that explains the faces

cousins....all grown up!

Taylor and Sissy

The bride and groom and the cousins

Sharing our 6 year anniversary with the newlyweds!

Our old house took much longer to close than we expected but it finally happened and we went over to clean everything up and say goodbye to our very first house as a family.  Of course I cried, of course tons of memories came flooding back, but I was also so thankful as I walked through the empty rooms and thought about how much our life has changed in the past several years and how far we have come.  Such wonderful blessings!!

And finally we MOVED into our new house!! The movers did an amazing job of getting everything unloaded and put in the right rooms.  NOTHING was broken or lost in the move!! Brad did LOTS of painting, the boys had new rooms to get used to, and we got new furniture.  We are still working on it.  There are still blank walls, no lamps, no rugs, no living room furniture.....but we are getting there.  It just takes a lot longer when you have 2 small children!!

Right after we moved in, we had our annual Van Hauen/Van Hauen/Donihoo/Anderson Garage Sale...we didn't do so well this year...and there are no pictures!!

About a week after moving in it was time for Vacation Bible School.  This was a BIG year of change for me with VBS.  Sami Keenen (Sissy) had to work the entire week of VBS and could not be there to be the director which put me into a new position of "fill in" director.  I missed doing crafts with the 1st -6th grade but I did enjoy overseeing everything going on.  There is a lot that goes in to making VBS run smoothly and we have an INCREDIBLE group of willing servants at our church who love kids and VBS as much as Sissy and I do.  We had a great night of canvassing the week before VBS, we had record numbers of kids during the week, we had a great Family Night, and everyone was so patient and encouraging with me in my new role.  As much work as it to have VBS, it is totally worth it and I am so thankful to be a part of it year after year.

canvassing night

decorating the stage with Sissy

1/2 our crew at our Monday tradition of eating Mexican food for lunch

the rest of the Monday crew! Whew!! We survived the first day!

Chelsea did a great job taking over crafts this year

Bi-Bi-Bi-Bi-Bi-Bi-Big Apple Adventure!

Cutie cousins loved VBS this year

Since VBS, I have spent most of the summer settling in at our new house, playing with the kids, and getting used to living in Norman/Newcastle.  We have had lots of fun and kept very busy.  We also celebrated Aden's FIRST birthday in July with lots of family and friends and had a great time.

Aden's very first spaghetti experience

Gabe and all the Hillis crew went to Disneyworld and brought
Carson and Aden Mickey hats with their names on them.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day

First sno-cone of the summer

Pedicures courtesy of Vicki Andreww

Aden's first time in a pool

Nothing like finding TWO boys in the crib in the morning

My sweet boy has to have more tests and surgeries,
Not really the way I wanted to end our summer

Chelsea and Jeremy's church shower

Aden's 1 year pictures with Katy Berry

More 1 year pictures with Katy Berry

Lots of fun play time with Murphee and Shannon
this summer

Carson LOVES swimming at Donna's house

Cars 2

good car nappin'

Aden is not a big fan of swimming

Carson, on the other hand, LOVES to swim.  He has no fear

 

Aden's birthday morning, opening presents from Mommy,
Daddy, and Carson

Happy first birthday on the 4th of July!

Aden was a bit grouchy on his first birthday and
was NOT pleased with us trying to take his picture

Waiting to watch fireworks

Happy 4th of July!

Another swim day at Donna's

Back into the coupon groove 

 

Sitting at Dr. Digoy's office waiting to schedule
surgery

Swimming buddies

Carson loves to play in our new big backyard

What is summer without Girls Night!?

Carson's "best friend" Harper at the library

Date Night

Carson and this bunch just finished their last week in the nursery
and are headed to Donna's Sunday School class at to
Children's Church....ugh!! where has the time gone?

Happy Birthday Brad!!

This is from Aden's party, some how they
got a little out of order

So since you have last heard from me there has been lots of "new" in our lives.  I am so thankful for the amazing summer we have had.  It has been very busy, I have not slept nearly enough, I have not always been on the positive side of things but even with all of that I feel so very blessed.  God has done amazing things in our lives, I continue to be humbled by His goodness and mercy that is new every morning.  We are lovin' our life, lovin' our kids, lovin' our new house and looking forward to the next chapter in our lives.  Brad and I have celebrated 6 years of marriage and on September 1 we will be celebrating 8 years of being together.   Carson is turning 4 in just a week and starting pre-k in 2 weeks.  So much new, so much exciting, so much to look forward to.  Brad, Carson, and Aden make me so happy and they are my constant, daily reminders of what faithful and loving God I serve!  

Hopefully from here on out I will do better about blogging and I will keep it updated more frequently.  I love the blogging world, I love keeping up with everyone else's blogs, now it's my time to stick to it and be a bloggin' woman!